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by Marya Hornbacher
This book is based on a real story. It shows a part of Marya Hornbachers life. She has had anorexia and bulimia for a long time. Her weight ranged from 135 pounds to 52 pounds and she could have died from the belief that she was fat.
Will to live made it possible to Marya to recover from her illness so that she could live a "normal" life again.
Writing this book she wanted to show her experiences, which she made with bulimia and anorexia. She wanted to tell other people that they were not alone with that kind of problem. Marya wanted to help people and show that eating disorders do not solve any problems. And the only thing, which she could think of, was writing this book.
Marya is just nine years old when she forces herself to vomit. She fells bad about what she has eaten and she doesn't like her body. Food had alwaus been a problem in her family. Her mother is an actress who is always on a diet whereas her father is a director who is always eating too much.
Shortly after her first throwing-up she reads the best selling book The Best Little Girl In The World "a rather romanticized account of bulimia written by a doctor intent mainly on demonstration his own genius" as she describes it. She reads that book to be absolutely sure that she has an eating disorders. It is written that a person can die from anorexia and bulimia, but afterwards, as she realizes, it is not written that anorexia and bulimia an haunt a person throughout his or her whole life.
She has the typical system of markers, as do all bulimics "eating brightly coloured food first so you can tell when it's all out, and it all comes out, in reverse order: the pizza, cookies, Ruffles, pretzels, Doritos, all swimming in dark swirls of Coke" She developed the abrasions, then calluses on the first two fingers of her right hand.
She goes off to boarding school and hopes that her illness will get better. But it does not. By the time she gets home she is a grey-skinned ghost weighing 84 pounds. At that point her parents begin to be worried about her. They don't really know what to do and the only thing they take for the best solution is to consult a psychiatrist or in a sanatorium. They're not able to talk with each other, because their relationship is not the best.
Gradually bulimia develops to anorexia. In the time when she has anorexia she really eats just 100 kcal a day. Marya really feels that her body is fighting against this torture and without realizing she is sitting in a restaurant and eating a fatty pizza. After that she feels so bad that she throws up every thing she has eaten. She realizes that this is a vicious circle which will finally cause her death.
So Marya approach to death- 70 pounds then 67,61,55 and finally 52, is as surreal. She was given one week to live. When the book was published four years had passed: She is somewhat recovered from the disease, but still underweight. She married a good man. Her heart is shriveled and her immune system has been destroyed by years of starvation. She looks old and she knows she will die young.
Marya writhes: "When I was growing up, I always felt I would do one of two things: be Great at something, or go crazy and be a total failure"
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